Falling in Love again
by charlibubble
Summary: when Sara and Greg are involved in a serious road accident, she finds herself suffering from amnesia. she has to rediscover her relationships, including her marriage to Grissom... GSR. Spoilers for all seasons likely. RandR xx
1. Chapter 1

Sara answered her phone with a sigh "Sidle" beside her she felt the familiar movements of her husband as he shuffled closer and slipped his arm around her waist. She smiled as he began to kiss her neck and playfully bite her ear. She tried to wriggle free so she could concentrate on the conversation she was supposed to be having but Grissom had waited so long to wake up beside her he just couldn't let her go. Her face fell as she took in what she was being told, a simple "okay" and she hung up the call. Grissom turned her around to face him in one swift move and kissed her passionately on the lips, moving his body until it was over hers

"I have to go into work" she couldn't believe her own dedication if she was honest.

She had always thought that through the years her urge to drop everything for 'the lab' was a thinly veiled dropping everything for Grissom yet here she was faced with a choice between her Husband and the Lab and she agreed to go in just like that. Her heart tugged as Grissom's face visibly fell, he had only been in town since that morning and they hadn't done a lot of talking since then, getting called into work on her day off was _not_ on their itinerary but then she hadn't told Greg he would be in town. She hadn't told anyone in fact, the moments she got with him were precious enough without the rest of the team hogging his time, or worse she thought, his mother! She carefully slipped out of his grasp and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry, can I make it up to you later?" he smiled a wide smile before kissing her again and lying back in the bed

"I'll be waiting" he said

Greg was rather animated that night , and for Greg that was saying something. They were sent to a suspicious road traffic accident on the i95 just outside Henderson "road trip!" they said simultaneously. On the way to the car they had their usual 'discussion' over who should drive. Sara knew she would win, she always did. Greg would let her have the shirt from his back if she asked him and she knew it. She really valued the friendships she had developed with the entire team but especially Greg, they had a special relationship one maybe even on a par to her relationship with Grissom although without all the sex. She smiled privately thinking about Grissom waiting for her at home as Greg bounded past her and jumped into the driver's seat before she could protest. Frowning and puckering her lips she took the seat beside him

"don't think you'll get away with this Mr Sanders" she said teasingly "I always get my way one way or another"

he smiled as he turned on the radio, fiddling with the controls and the mirrors as she rolled her eyes impatiently.

"that's cos I always let you" he winked as they pulled out of the parking garage.

He looked at her and pointed to his forehead leaning towards her

"you see that?" she frowned as she moved forward to see what he was pointing at "that's your thumb print"

he laughed, satisfied with his 'under the thumb' joke as she flopped back in her chair. The highway stretched out before them and she surveyed the scenery as they went. The music was loud and Greg was drumming the beat on the steering wheel and moving his head to the rhythm. She laughed at the sight of him, although it was one she was more than familiar with. Greg caught her laughing out of the side of his eye and stopped dancing

"what?" he asked innocently

she shook her head smiling, her hair bouncing around her face

"you can't tell me your not a fan of Greg Sanders awesome dancing?"

he looked around waiting for her to answer and she laughed again, her speech a little stuttered as she tried to think up something to say. Then the lights caught her eye, getting closer as they moved. It only took a second but everything went into slow motion

"GREG!" she had shouted "LOOK OUT!"

but it was too late. The cars collided with a terrible bang. She could hear the clash of metal and smell burning. People were shouting but they sounded far away and then everything went black…..


	2. Chapter 2

The red SUV had crashed through the barrier and headed straight for them, even if Greg had been paying attention to the road it couldn't have been avoided so in a way he was glad one of the last things he remembered seeing was Sara smiling at him. it had been many years since she had broken his heart and left him for Grissom. Ok so maybe she didn't technically 'leave' him but she did break his heart. he woke with a start as the paramedics hoisted him out of his seat and onto a stretcher. There was smoke in the air and sirens rung out into the night. the highway was closed off and he noticed 3 other cars in the mangled mess that lay before them. The SUV obviously hadn't stopped when it hit them and his car was almost unrecognisable as it lay there smouldering. He was lucky to have made it out alive. By the sounds of sobbing nearby he surmised others hadn't been so lucky, he suddenly realised what had happened and tried to sit up only to be forced back by the forceful paramedics, since when did they become bodybuilders anyway? He had never liked paramedics, not since Sara had dated one 'Hank' even his name was repulsive. They moved his stretcher away from the car and towards the waiting ambulance, he knew he was in a lot of pain as his thoughts were clouded and erratic, then he saw Sara. She was unconscious and still strapped into her seat, firemen surrounded her preparing to use the jaws of life to prop open the vehicle and pull her out but she was in pretty bad shape. From his position Greg could only see her face, her lips slightly parted, her eyes firmly closed and a steady stream of blood pouring from the serious gash on her head. 'SARA!' he called out as loud as he could manage but she didn't respond and he was rolled into the ambulance without an explanation. Damn paramedics.

From his vantage point inside the ambulance Greg could survey the accident site better. They had been mighty lucky he realised as he saw 3 bodies being covered by more paramedics. The Driver of the SUV was surely dead, not only had it come crashing through the barrier and into 3 cars but it had impacted the wall on the other side of the highway and was half flattened. The CSI in him noticed the lack of skid marks on the ground, they hadn't tried to stop. There was one other witness sitting in the ambulance opposite him, she was crying hysterically and shaking like a leaf. Her light blonde hair was soaked in blood but she didn't appear to be harmed, she was explaining to a police officer what had happened in between sobs. Greg tried to move again but pain rushed through his body. Guess the shock is wearing off, he thought as he turned his attentions back to finding out what was happening to Sara. He could hear the loud crunching and screeching as the fire fighters cut the car up but they were just out of his view point. He tried shuffling forward in his stretcher, ignoring the searing pain in his leg and chest. He was getting closer to being able to see as he upped the ante. shuffling forward a bit more violently he gasped as he pulled his IV over and the machine he was hooked to crashed to the ground. The paramedics came running over looking at him with confusion on their faces. He smiled at them sheepishly "I would like to know how my friend is" the paramedics glanced at each other nervously, he could hear shouting for assistance outside and he tried sitting upright once more to see when the burly paramedic once more placed him back into position pushing some Morphine into his IV at the same time and Greg felt the sweet call of a drug induced sleep wash over him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Greg woke up he was in the hospital. He opened his eyes and cursed at the bright lights that greeted him so harshly. His leg was in a cast, it was already itching and uncomfortable. He tried to sit up and winced in pain. He had broken a few ribs anyway there was no denying that. He tried again, this time holding his breath. A nurse spotted him and rushed over to prop him up with cushions and he thanked her politely. He had quite enjoyed the view if he was perfectly honest. He looked around to see if he could see where they had taken Sara but he was in his own room. The nurse led Catherine and Nick into the room and they smiled their hello's taking the chairs beside the bed.

"where's Sara?" he asked them

concerned that he hadn't heard anything since he spotted her bleeding and trapped in the car wreck.

"she's in surgery right now" Catherine held his hand and looked at him with a friendly expression "can you tell us what happened?"

Greg looked away from her trying to remember the exact details of the crash. He remembered dancing and looking at Sara. Was this his fault? Maybe if he had kept his eyes on the road he would have been able to avoid it. He closed his eyes as he visualised the bright lights filling his cab and Sara shouting. He could hear her shouting like it was happening right now and he startled himself with the memory, jumping a little and opening his eyes. Catherine was worried she smiled sweetly and told him they would wait until he was ready.

"did someone call Grissom?" he asked.

Catherine nodded slowly "he was already in town, he's waiting on her now"

Greg was shocked, Grissom had been in town and she hadn't told him? more than that Grissom had been in town and she had still come into work to help him out? it was her day off she should have been shacked up in her bedroom with her husband and she had _chose _to go and process a road accident with him? he was actually very flattered, he had always felt a little pushed out of her life when she went off with Grissom. Now he could see that he meant a lot to her too. Then the guilt came back.

"can I go see her?"

the nurse was in the room by now and she was fiddling with monitors. She looked at him as if she was offended he had even dared to think of asking that question

"24 hours you have to stay off that leg Mr Sanders. You can go see your girl after that"

with that she made her way out of the room as he half argued with her about staying off his leg and assuming Sara was his girl. Catherine and Nick laughed a little at his flustered ramblings

"well Im glad you think its funny!" he exclaimed "I am practically a prisoner in my own hospital room and neither of you even brought me grapes – that's just rude"

Nick took that as his cue to leave and he stood up, patting Greg on the shoulder

"I shall go and rectify that Greggo, right after I see if Grissom needs anything"

Catherine shuffled her chair closer to him

"you not got anything for me Greg?" she looked at him suspiciously.

Womens intuition, thought Greg, can't keep anything hidden from a woman.

"I should never have called her out with me, Cath and at the very least she should have been driving, she always drives."

Catherine nodded, she understood his guilt and she wanted to be there to listen to him but they had to figure out exactly what happened at that scene if they were to get any justice for the victims.

"I don't remember anything, I was looking at her, she had the audacity to tease my dancing. Then she was shouting. The car just came out of nowhere"

Catherine stood up and kissed him gently on the forehead

"get some sleep Greg, I'll make sure they let you know about Sara"

he thanked her as she left the room and settled back on his pillows, the aggressive nurse eyeing him from the nurses station. First he had bodybuilding paramedics and now angry nurses. Where was all the stereotypes in this story he thought to himself as he fell into a tumultuous sleep filled with sexy nurses in skimpy outfits and oafish paramedics.


	4. Chapter 4

Sara slowly began to become more aware of sounds and movements around her. she was groggy, very groggy it took all her strength just to flicker her eyes open a little only for the bright lights to force them closed again. She could hear beeps and the soft murmur of machines, there were people chatting in the distance. She felt the crisp sheets and someone holding her hand as she mustered up the energy to open her eyes again. The room slowly came into focus and her mind struggled to understand where she was. The glaring white of the room hurt her head and the beeping from the machine beside her was so loud it made her whole body throb with the vibrations. She turned to see who was holding her hand and her eyes fell to a man sitting beside her bed, he was clutching onto her hand and looked every bit the grieving husband. He hadn't noticed she was awake yet and she watched him awhile taking in his salt and pepper hair and well trimmed beard. He sat up a little and rubbed the bridge of his nose sighing quietly, he was obviously stressed she thought frowning a little. He noticed this movement and looked at her then, looked right into her eyes and she was stunned. His eyes were the most shining sparkling blue she had ever seen. They were sparkling with happiness at seeing her awake but more importantly love was pouring out of those eyes and into hers, she had to admit it made her a little uncomfortable. She had never seen this man before in her life…..

Soon the room was filled with Doctors and nurses and the man was ushered into the hall. She looked around at them frowning, they were looking at her and speaking to her but she couldn't register anything. It was as though she was underwater. She could hear they were speaking but everything was muffled and she was dizzy, so dizzy she felt like she was going to fall right out of the bed. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing trying to compose herself. A young doctor came over and asked her to open her eyes. He had a kind face and he spoke slowly and clearly. She could just about make out what he was saying if she concentrated really hard. He flashed a light into her eyes and she flinched, he may as well have stabbed her in the eye it hurt so much.

"can you remember what happened to you?"

she sighed trying to remember an accident, an event ….. anything. She shook her head slowly, she couldn't remember anything. The doctor sat down beside her nodding calmly

"ok then, do you remember your name?"

Sara closed her eyes again, she was so tired. She took a deep breath, wincing at the pain she felt in her chest as she did so.

"Sara" she was barely able to whisper "Sara Sidle"

she kept her eyes closed, she wasn't sure she had the energy to open them anyway.

"can you tell me who the president is right now Sara?"

she shook her head, tears were slowly snaking down her face

"Clinton" she whispered.

Her body visibly relaxed as she fell asleep and the doctor stood and left the room.

"your wife is suffering from a condition known as post traumatic amnesia, she has no recollection of the accident"

Grissom was watching her through the glass from the corridor, her reaction to him had hurt, he could see the confusion in her eyes.

"she doesn't remember a lot else either does she doctor?"

the doctor shook his head detecting the sadness in his voice

"she's very tired, I won't be able to give you an accurate sense of her loss until she is fitter, however, she did say the president was Bill Clinton so we are looking at around a 13 year loss. This could change after she's rested"

Grissom couldn't believe what he was hearing, she had forgotten their entire relationship. She wouldn't even know who he was.

"she should recover her memories, sir. But there is no way of knowing how long she will be like this or which memories she will recall"

Grissom nodded his head, he had read journal's on amnesia before. He thanked the doctor and was left alone still looking at her sleeping peacefully in her bed. It was time to get those journals out again. To Grissom knowledge was power, and with his wife suffering as she was, he needed all the power he could get.


	5. Chapter 5

Grissom stared at the books piled in front of him sadly. They were basically no help to him, Sara's memory may or may not come back. They had suggested ways to try and prompt a memory from her but Grissom and Sara were never all that big on photographs and mementoes. He sighed heavily as he thought about her laying in her hospital bed. He had to get back to the hospital and wait for her to wake up. Wandering around their home he tried to find things that she cherished, that would spark recognition in her. He found so many things that reminded him of her, books, lotions, clothing, perfume, jewellery. He collected some of her things to bring to the hospital, carefully placing them in a bag and carrying them out to the car. On the drive he began to think about what would happen if she didn't remember. Would she go home with him? would they ever regain their deep, pure love that he cherished so dearly?

The doctor was waiting for him when he arrived at the hospital. Sara was beginning to wake a little more at a time and she was able to have visitors. The doctor was sure that seeing familiar faces and reminiscing would help her recovery. Grissom nodded and headed towards her room, his throat was dry and his heart was racing. It reminded him of the many times he had wanted to progress their relationship past professional, he had almost always backed away. His head had ruled over his heart for so long, he wished it was that way now. He paused for a moment in the doorway gazing at her. She looked so fragile as she lay there in her bed, she was asleep but he could see she was beginning to stir. Grissom slowly made his way into her room and sat down in the chair as quietly as he could. He hoped that the more she slept the quicker she would recover. He couldn't bear to see her looking at him with confusion again. All he wanted was for her to open her eyes and see her soulmate.

he pulled out the things he had brought from home and began setting them up on the bedside cabinet and she watched him quietly from her bed. She didn't dare move in case he spotted that she was awake, she needed to be able to watch him, to listen to him, to breathe in his scent. She was certain she should remember him. he had a distinctive aura around him. maybe it was the way he moved or how he was so particular about the way the things were arranged on the table but he certainly had a presence in the room. When he turned to look at her, her heart flipped and butterflies filled her stomach. He took her hand in his and smiled at her a little shyly

"Sara…" he said slowly, almost as if he was unsure

There was something about the way he said her name, it stirred in the back of her mind and made her warm all over. She couldn't quite understand why that simple word flushed over her like that and she closed her eyes trying to encourage her brain to catch up.

"Sara, do you know who I am?"

She opened her eyes again quickly, it was as if she was teetering over the edge but she couldn't quite see over the other side. She looked over at the various things he had arranged on the table. A few cosmetic's bottles, a book and a photo of them together. He looked different in it, a lot younger and she looked at it curiously as he waited for his answer.

"San Fransisco , Sara. 1999. It was summer and I was teaching at …"

He was getting excited. She could tell by the way his eyes lit up and his speech got faster. She liked him like this, she liked his passion and his drive. She listened to his story a smile slowly playing on the edges of her mouth, she liked listening to him too. He randomly inserted little anecdotes and titbits of information into the conversation, probably just to be sure people were actually listening she thought to herself. He stopped talking when he noticed her smiling at him and they shared a lingering look which sent shivers down her spine. He broke off the look to pick up something else from the table which he handed to her gently. It was another photograph, this time they were on a beautiful beach together. He had a suit on and she wore a long white dress.

"that was our wedding day" he began "happiest day of my life"

She looked at the photograph willing herself to remember. She looked so happy in the image yet none of it brought a spark of recognition in her mind and she began to sob. Tears trickled down her face as she stared and dripped onto the shiny glass of the frame as her husband stroked her hair sadly.

"one step at a time honey, I'll be patient"

Ok so how am I doing so far? Review me pls. Im really excited about this story :D


	6. Chapter 6

Greg had been fighting with his nurse for over 4 hours now. She was point blank refusing to take him to see Sara even although he had kept off his leg for 24 hours like she had asked, he had been in hospital for 3 days now and still hadn't been to visit. He spent his time watching her at the nurses station and pressing his buzzer every 30 minutes to ask if he could go yet. He was quite enjoying it if he was honest, it broke up the boredom of laying in bed on his own staring at the walls. He looked at the clock directly across from him, it was almost time for him to buzz again he thought a cheeky smile covering his face as she eyed him suspiciously from her station. He was just about to press the buzzer when he heard a quiet knock on his door. Frowning his eyes turned to see Grissom standing in the doorway. He looked completely drained, his eyes were red and heavy. He made his way over to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair studying Greg carefully as he did.

"Sara's been in a coma, I hear you've been begging to see her?"

"I wouldn't say I was begging ….." he began

"she has amnesia Greg" Grissom interrupted him, rubbing his eyes "she doesn't remember anything, or anyone"

He emphasised the anyone as he spoke. Greg didn't know what to say. He knew that Sara had had a head injury and needed surgery but he hadn't realised the extent of her injuries. He understood now why the nurse had been keeping him away. Sara was a control freak, she must be frightened he thought.

"what can we do to help her?"

Grissom explained what he had read in his journals about photographs and trinkets.

"she wasn't allowed visitors till today, I can bring you to her if you like. But you'll have to go easy on her"

Grissom helped Greg into a waiting wheelchair and made his way along the long corridor to Sara's room. Greg was really nervous about seeing her, Sara was a vivacious, passionate and spirited person. One of the things he loved about her was that she was so genuine. What if their accident had taken that away from her?

Sara regarded them as they entered the room. He was certain he could see recognition in her eyes and he was pleased to see that she wasn't an empty shell of a woman like he had suspected.

"so I could tell you anything really couldn't I?" he began smiling broadly "I mean now is the time to reinvent myself in your eyes, would you believe me if I said that it was me you really loved?"

She was smiling at him but she was confused at the same time and shot Grissom a look quickly looking for reassurance.

"I'm gonna let you get some sleep but I'm right along the hall and I'm a really good listener"

'_I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a really good listener'_

Sara sat up slightly frowning, she had heard that before. The statement bounced around in her brain as she tried to catch it. To remember it properly. When had he said that to her before? Try as she might the statement just floated around, there was no context. She studied Greg carefully as he chatted to Grissom at the door. He was gesturing and talking animatedly. Grissom was looking at him with a bemused expression on his face, allowing him to continue with his monologue but not entirely paying attention. They both turned to look at her, and Greg smiled as he was pushed away slowly. She could hear him talking with the nurses.

"I'll take my bed bath now if you wouldn't mind"

'_You know ... a real man wouldn't mind'_

Sara took in a deep breath, she could remember Greg saying those things. She was starting to remember….


	7. Chapter 7

Sara woke the next morning to see Greg wheeling himself into her room clumsily. He smiled at her as he almost crashed into the doorframe and hastily attempted to steer his chair with one hand. She laughed at him as he unsuccessfully manoeuvred his way through the door, the nurse eventually taking over and shooting him an angry look.

"You shouldn't be in here at this time, Sanders. Haven't you been warned before?"

Greg looked up at her and shook his head

"Just 5 minutes, I want to show her something"

He picked up his laptop and waved it around to show he wasn't lying. She tutted and left the room, making sure to throw him a venomous look on her way. Smiling Greg opened his laptop and started clicking. Sara didn't speak she was still very weak and watching him was exercise enough for her brain.

He picked up the laptop and turned it to face her, placing it gently on her lap. She could see a photograph, she was there with the whole team. He had labelled them with their names. Very clever she thought. They were well dressed and Greg had a Santa hat on so it was clearly a Christmas photo. She looked at all the people in the photograph, knowing she should recognise each and every one of them. Greg smiled at her and clicked on a button.

"You can use it for a while, get reacquainted. I have to go before Nurse Ninja in there decides to euthanize me"

She thanked him as he wheeled himself out of the room slightly less awkwardly as he had wheeled himself in. she turned her attention back to the laptop as the images began to move and change slowly. Greg had gone to a lot of work making it for her. There were a lot of images to go through and each one had a caption or story, a memory. The people smiling out at her were strangers. Sure she knew she should remember Catherine and Nick and Warrick and Jim. She willed herself to remember all those moments that someone had thought special enough to capture. She looked at the images of herself sadly. There she was smiling with her arms around Nick, Dancing with Grissom, Chatting with Catherine and Laughing with Greg. She barely recognised herself in those images.

Grissom came into the room as she watched the montage. Her eyes were welling up again; it broke his heart to see her like this. He sat down beside her and looked at the laptop. It even tugged at his heartstrings looking at all those moments as they passed on the screen. He could almost see her brain struggling to catch up. She looked at him, looked right into his eyes for the first time since her accident.

"When will I remember?"

He wished he could give her an answer. He closed the laptop over and took her hand gently.

"It will take time, you can't rush it"

He pulled out a book from the bag he had been carrying and showed it to her smiling a little.

"I thought we could start here"

He shuffled his chair a little closer to the bed but she began moving to the opposite side of the bed. He frowned at her a little confused. He understood that they wouldn't have the intimacy he was used to for a while but he thought sitting beside her was appropriate enough. She gestured to the space on the bed.

"Sit with me please"

His expression softened immediately and he smiled and slipped off his shoes. He carefully sat beside her on the bed and opened the book. She smiled at him as he sat down and gently rested her head on his broad shoulders as he began to read. _This _was familiar to her, listening to his voice as he read, feeling his heart beating, and the comforting feel of his body beside her.

"_Call me Ishmael. Some years ago….."_


	8. Chapter 8

Nick loitered at the door when he saw them snuggled together on the bed, he smiled as he listened to Grissom's voice reading to her. It struck him that he had never really witnessed an intimate moment between the two of them outside of their wedding. He cleared his throat a little anxious not to walk in on their moment and they both looked up. Grissom closed the book and stood up from the bed.

"I'll go get us some coffee"

Nick patted his shoulder as he walked past and walked across the small room to sit in the chair beside Sara.

"hey Sara, it's Nick. You probably don't remember yet."

She shook her head watching him carefully.

"so how you feeling"

She smiled a little. He was the first person to actually ask her that.

"do you know what pisses me off?"

She was a little shocked when he started laughing at her statement, she thought Greg was the crazy one.

"I'm sorry. You say that all the time, still the same old Sara I see."

She frowned at him trying to stifle a smile.

"lets see what pisses you off? Lots of things?"

"_you know what pisses me off?"_

"_lots of things"_

Now her mind was whirling a mile a minute. This wasn't just a vague recognition of a statement, she remembered! She was annoyed at Grissom for taking her off a case. The way he had spoken to her …

'_I hand out the assignments Sara it's not a negotiation'_

She sat up carefully, she was still in a lot of pain. Her brow was furrowed into a frown and her eyes flickered around searching for answers. She looked at Nick with a mixture of shock and excitement.

"victim's aren't equal"

Nick's face broke into a huge grin and he stood up full of excitement. He wasn't sure if this was a fluke or a medical breakthrough. He paused between running out of the door and grabbing her in a bear hug.

"that's right! you remember?"

She smiled at his reaction, he looked so confused. Nodding she waved him back over. she didn't need anymore unnecessary attention right now.

"He took me off the case, and I was really upset with him"

Nick nodded from his chair beside her

"you were always upset with him" he laughed "he was always pissing you off somehow"

She looked at him frowning. He had painted a picture of a perfect relationship why was she always mad at him. registering her look, Nick realised that he may have put his foot in it somewhat and attempted to backtrack.

"well I mean, that was before. You know. Before you were an actual couple. Your never mad at him now….. well except that one time we worked with his mother and you were…"

He stopped as he could sense her getting irritated. He shouldn't have said anything.

"if it's any consolation you are much prettier than Julia"

He closed his eyes realising he'd made yet another fatal error. He may as well just launch into a bedtime story featuring Lady Heather and she would come out of her amnesia thinking Grissom was an insensitive , lady killer who was always upsetting her!

"look, ignore what I said. Grissom loves you, more than anything in this world. Oh and I brought you something. I figured you wouldn't have yours with you and you need it more than me"

He fished around in his pocket and held something up to her. Between his fingers he held a small blue marble. He placed it gently in her hand and closed her fingers.

"Grissom said when life gets tough….."

"roll with it" she whispered

He smiled, quite happy with himself for invoking a happy memory.

"you remember? He gave us both one because he cares about us"

"I remember you, telling me about it. We were in an office."

He nodded remembering when they had had that conversation. They had been fighting then, over whether or not a woman's hoarding was deserving of disgust or pity. he had been very judgemental, convinced that the woman's laziness and disregard for her own and her children's lives was responsible for the piles of junk they had to wade through. Sara was obviously the more compassionate one. her eyes saw a woman in need, by the end of the case he wished he had been a little more supportive. He could see her running it through in her mind as she stared at the marble. why did he only bring on memories of arguments?

Grissom entered the room with two hot coffee's. handing one to Nick his eyes were drawn to the marble.

"hey, you kept it?"

Nick smiled at Grissom why was he surprised. Of course he had kept it. Grissom sipped his coffee lost in his memories thinking about giving them both their little blue marbles.

"Catherine is going to stop by later" said Nick breaking the silence, he did feel a little like a third wheel.

Grissom stood up with Nick and they both walked towards the door.

"we'll let you get some sleep"

"she sleeps now? I thought she never sleeps?"

_"You? Tired? I thought you never sleep."_

They both left smiling and reminiscing. This could get very frustrating, thought Sara staring at her little marble.

"roll with it" she smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Sara was remembering more and more as the day went by. Little things would spark a cascade of memories, a smell, a touch or a simple statement. At first she thought this influx of rememberance would be a good thing but her memories were rather jumbled and they made no sense the way they were. Greg had bought her a little notebook which she was jotting things down in. her memories were beginning to confuse her more than her lack of memories. She knew that she would be allowed home soon. Her mind raced as she thought about what exactly that would entail. Sure, she had remembered tit-bits of her relationship with her husband but all of the things she remembered were either negative or miniscule. He seemed gentlemanly enough though, she was sure he wouldn't expect anything from her too soon. Her memories were coming thick and fast but she had almost an entire lifetime to catch up with.

She was brought out of her daze by the strong smell of perfume invading her space. It captured all her senses and woke her memories as they washed over her so quickly she barely had time to keep up. Her eyes fell onto the woman she knew was Catherine. She didn't know this because she remembered, her memories of being introduced to Catherine were a little confused.

"_well I know who I am, I think you're a little confused"_

She smiled as she thought of meeting Catherine, she couldn't remember why she was dodging her at the time though. She got a sense that she and Catherine were now pretty good friends as the other woman sat down beside her. She handed her a small parcel which Sara turned over in her hands curiously.

"Grapes are the usual tradition" she said

Catherine looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"well you were never really one for traditions Sara but I can take it back if you like"

Catherine reached out to the parcel which Sara pulled away with a small smile she carefully started picking at the edges of the paper as Catherine looked on.

"oh really Sara just rip it open!"

She smiled at Catherine's impatience and ripped open the folds, inside she found a beautiful necklace. Nothing overly showy as she suspected Catherine would wear, this was a fine gold chain with a tiny butterfly perched on the bottom. She was really touched with the gift.

"I was going to bring you some sawdust, see if that sparked a memory but Grissom put his foot down with that one" she said laughing.

Her comment was completely lost on Sara she had no idea what Catherine was talking about. Catherine stayed for almost an hour, talking the entire time. She was beginning to feel completely overwhelmed, Catherine had given her memory overload yet they were still all over the place. One minute she was flirting with Nick, the next she was kissing Grissom. One minute she was on the receiving end of Catherine's sharp tongue and the next they were going for a drink together. Her head was pounding and she watched as Catherine animatedly relived a case where she had interrupted one of Sara's dates by handing her a glass with a severed finger in it. You would really think that a person would remember something like that.

The reminiscing was broken by Greg hobbling into the room. He was on crutches now and was able to make his way around without destroying the entire ward. He had visited Sara every day, she enjoyed his visits he made her laugh although she took his 'memories' with a pinch of salt since they more often than not involved them both 'getting it on'. Catherine made her excuses and left as Greg took up his usual position in the chair beside her with his leg on the bed.

"today I'll tell you about the time we went on a dirty weekend" he said with a huge grin on his face

"Greg I can tell when you're lying you know"

His face fell "I would never lie to you"

"you lie to me at least once a day"

He broke into huge grin confirming her suspicions.

"it is fun to see which stories you actually believe though"

"that's just mean Greg, I could have believed everything you said"

He winked at her "that's what I was hoping for"


	10. Chapter 10

Grissom hesitated at the door to her room as he watched her interact with Greg, she had always had a special relationship with him but he had felt secure in their relationship and it didn't usually bother him. _this_ bothered him a surprising amount. Sara was remembering little by little but as far as her memories of their relationship went he was hurt that she had yet to recall the spark, the deep connection they both felt for each other. They had certainly had their fair share of ups and downs over the years and he was the first to admit that the downs were generally down to him, however since that wonderful day when he had finally given in, when he had allowed himself to give his heart to her he prided himself on the fact that their relationship and their love was solid. There she was smiling and laughing with Greg, how could she be faithful to him when she didn't know what she was being faithful to?

He turned on his heel and headed out of the hospital. He took his memory for granted he realised as he drove home. If he were to lose recollection of everything he had done for the past 13 years where would he be? Trying to get into the mindset of someone with such a huge loss was not easy, their experience's had been very different through the years although they were linked on many different levels. He thought of conversation's he had had with her. times when he had made her smile.

"_you turned my pickle into a lightbulb!"_

He could see her standing beside him like it was yesterday, always so eager to learn and explore. He could always demand her full attention when he was in the room, a fact which he defiantly took for granted over the years. He had loved her even then. Way back when she had joined CSI. When he asked her to join them he hadn't realised the depth of his feelings, by the time he had his decision to include her in his team seemed like a foolish one. He had tried desperately to distance himself from her, to break his infactuation. He had broken her heart.

'_you know by the time you figure it out it could be too late'_

That statement had haunted him for a long time, she was right and he knew it. Like he always said 'sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing' it was easy to give advice like that to people but to put it into practice was an entirely different thing. He had found the pull to do something a lot stronger than his advice to do nothing. His heart had ruled his head for once and the rewards had been a lot more fruitful than he expected. He had fallen completely in love with her and there was no turning back. He had tried, he had tried so hard to control himself but every now and then he had let a little slip and before he knew it his entire being was drawn to her and there was no fighting it anymore. She had the upper hand after that.

"_I won't wait up"_

He walked around his apartment trying to get into her prespective. Everything he looked at brought a memory of her. Every single item in his apartment reminded him of an event or a moment, a look or a touch. He tried to think of how empty his life would be if he couldn't remember her, what would these things mean to him if not her? Would he look at his bedroom and see nothing but the furniture? All the beautiful memories they had created in that small room, all the times when he had held her in his arms, when they had made love or when they had simply watched a movie.

"_I always feel sorry for the monster"_

His heart ached with the lost memories as he sat on the bed.

His eyes were drawn to her bedside cabinet, there must be some memories in the drawer, there must be something he could bring to her which would remind her just how special they were together. His heart dropped when her drawers were predictably well organised. A tub of moisturiser and a lip balm. Tissue's and a book.

He frowned as he noticed something sticking out from between the pages and reached in to pull it free. Instantly his memories were flared again as his eyes fell onto the letter. He remembered feeling so incredibly lost when he had written those words and as he read it again he agreed with every word. Surely this would remind her of him? surely this would bring back the love in her eyes?


	11. Chapter 11

Sara stared at the ceiling blankly but her mind was whirring. The doctor said she could go home.

Home.

She didn't even know where that was.

She felt a certain amount of guilt for not remembering her husband. He was clearly hurt by it but there was nothing she could really do about it. She had stared and stared at the photo's he had brought her.

Everything he did seemed vaguely familiar, the way he walked, how he held her hand, his voice and his intense eyes. They all sparked in her subconscious but there was nothing solid, nothing she could distinctly remember and it was getting very frustrating.

The doctor was certain she would recover all her memories although he was also certain she should have been remembering them in sequence. Oldest first and leading to the day of the accident. She was relatively sure her memories were somewhat jumbled.

She could remember meeting Grissom, all those years ago at the conference. She had not been looking forward to it after hearing the reviews but had found herself hanging on his every word. They had had certain amount of sexual chemistry then but she knew that he had gone back to Vegas and left her broken hearted. She could remember coming to Vegas, the nervous energy around her and the sad circumstances surrounding it. The easy flirting and the late night experiments where their relationship had gone from there was anyone's guess. Her last memory of them together was an altercation involving ground beef and a leave of absence.

How did their relationship go from flirting and fun to arguing and avoidance?

More importantly how did it end in marriage, she couldn't get her head around it at all.

Grissom was loitering in the doorway, she knew he was there but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. tears brimmed her eyes and she knew that the minute she made eye contact with him there was no going back. She continued to stare at the ceiling internally giving herself a pep talk.

"I hear your being released"

She looked at him, forgetting her vow.

"I….I just can't remember. I want to. I really do."

He went to her, holding her hand gently. He didn't know what to say instead he offered his comfort and his support.

"tell me about us, tell me our story"

He was surprised, it seemed like an obvious thing to ask but he had never actively thought about their story. His hand instinctively moved to his pocket. Now was not the time to be quoting Shakespeare to her. Their story was complicated enough.

"lets wait till you get home"

She was disappointed, he could see it written all over her face but he wanted to be able to be honest with her. That meant getting everything straight in his head, even the bad times.

"I'll tell you everything, I promise"

She smiled a sad little smile, she had known he wouldn't tell her. Even if he did there was no guarantee that it would even help her memories.

"I remember meeting you" she said smiling.

She had been debating whether to tell him or not, she didn't want him getting ahead of himself. Seeing his face light up had been worth it, she knew it meant a lot to him.

"I had to stare at that photo for 3 solid hours but I got there"

she laughed her husky laugh, he loved that laugh so much. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever hear it again.

"I remember your conference, I was completely in awe of you. It was pathetic really, I remember going for dinner with you, holding your hand. Then I remember you leaving and I was lost"

He remembered too, he remembered every moment and every touch. It was a memory which had served him well through the years, when they were young and happy. He was glad she could remember that time, they had spent the entire week embroiled in the most wonderful affair. He had regretted leaving San Francisco the second he did.

"I loved you the minute I saw you"


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok so even I can recognise this story is becoming a little depressing lol so Im trying to cheer it up a little without making it an unrealistic list of all the GSR moments through the seasons. Let me know what you think pls x**

They stepped through the doors to their apartment slowly. For Sara it was like seeing it for the first time, she took her time taking in the loft ceilings and exposed brickwork. The modern kitchen and the leather sofa's.

she walked along the back wall gazing at the jars and boxes full of experiments and insects. They intrigued her, some she could recall others fascinated her and she crouched down peering through the glass working out her own little theories in her mind.

He was watching her as she moved around the room, she carefully analysed the trinkets and books on the shelves and studied his collections. He could almost see her mind racing to catch up with all the information. She looked up at her a sadness in her eyes.

"everything ok?"

Her brow furrowed as she continued to explore the living area.

"I expected to recognise everything, instead I feel….. I feel…."

He moved to her, he wanted to hold her but she almost flinched under his touch.

"its normal to feel confused, sad, scared even"

"I don't feel anything"

_"I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything."_

That memory lit and sparked in her mind like a fire, it spread and grew until she was almost overwhelmed by it. It was like watching a movie in fast forward, the images and moments rushed through her minds eye incredibly fast. The spontaneous combustion, the tiny baby, sign language, Teri Miller and The Strip Stangler. She was finally getting somewhere. She smiled remembering her pickle.

"A square of nine dots on paper and you can only draw four lines to connect them ... without the pen ever leaving the paper"

Grissom whirled around to look at her, his face covered in hope and excitement.

"think outside the box"

She smiled at him a wide, happy smile.

"and I wasn't just wiping chalk off your face"

His heart jumped, he had known that but she had never admitted it to him. it was one of his favourite memories of her, the first time since she came to Vegas that she had touched him, properly intimately touched him and he'd be lying if he said it hadn't affected him.

"I know"

She sat down on the sofa, moving the things around on the coffee table until they were in their normal place. Even without realising it she was a creature of habit.

"will you tell me now?"

Grissom took the chair beside her, he was certainly going to try although he wasn't confident that he could do their story justice.

"ok, if your ready?" she nodded watching his every move "from the chalk?"

She laughed a little "yes please, from the chalk."

"you were in love with me then. I knew it. Everyone knew it but we couldn't be together. I was scared, I couldn't let you in. I was stupid."

She was watching him so intently, he knew he should be more specific but his mind was struggling to communicate their story as it was.

"you found someone else while I avoided the whole situation and I was so jealous. I found reason's to call you into work. Reason's to have you close but then I'd hold you at arms length"

"_It's just, um ... you tell me to get a life and then I get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's ... um ... confusing"_

"I could never seem to do things right by you. I'm not sure why it was so hard. You came to me one day, you reached out to me and I rejected you. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do."

"then why do it?"

He studied her face, she was frowning at him trying to grasp what he was telling her. Trying to understand his turmoil.

"I … I had surgery that day. For otosclerosis. I didn't tell anyone not even you"

She remembered him signing. She remembered walking behind him towards the school for the deaf feeling protected and strong.

"we had a bit of a hard time after that, both of us. I was struggling to deny my feelings for you anymore and you, well you went a little self destructive"

She could believe it, she felt a little self destructive right now.

"_We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really _

_lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance. _

_Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ... _

_we could care about. She offers us a new life with her ... ... _

_but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything _

_we've worked for in order to have her. _

_I couldn't do it ..."_

That speech had led to her feeling self destructive. She could remember the heavy feeling it left her with, the emptiness in her heart as she realised he didn't feel she was worth the risk. She had lost him then, before she even had him.


	13. Chapter 13

Grissom would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy reliving their story with her, he wasn't entirely convinced that she was quite able to grasp it yet but at least he had tried. She had curled up on the sofa, her legs firmly pressed into her body defensively. He had seen her sit like that many times, usually he was able to bring her out of it but somehow he knew that his gentle persistence was not going to cut it this time.

She needed time, time and understanding.

He was sure he could give her at least one of those.

Sara didn't confide easily, he had been one of the privileged few who knew anything about her past or the inner workings of her mind. She had let him ain and he felt lost at being locked out again. He regarded her carefully as she stared into space, lost in her thoughts.

He wondered what she was thinking about; he had given her a lot of information in a short time. He wondered how he could help her, her memories had extended to her almost arrest. One of the lowest points she had and he was keen not to let her dwell on that period of time. She had come through it so much better, so much happier and self-assured.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knocking at the door. They exchanged a concerned look, neither of them expecting anyone and he cautiously approached the door.

They were both anti-social people. Preferring their time alone to times surrounded by crowds, but the team appearing on their doorstep laden down with take-out was a welcome distraction from the stale silence of their apartment.

Grissom opened the door wide as they all filtered in, Greg hobbling along with his cast at the end.

It didn't take long for them to make themselves at home and the apartment was soon filled with chat and laughter. Conversation flowed easily as they tucked into their food and Sara looked around at the faces of her friends smiling.

She may not remember much but she knew that these people were her family.

As she looked to each face, each smiling face in front of her she realised for the first time that her past didn't matter. She had friends, she had family. She had a kind man who loved her very much.

That much was evident, every time he looked at her she could feel it.

He absentmindedly squeezed her hand under the table, it made her whole arm tingle.

Their impromptu party soon turned to the sofa. She could tell Grissom wasn't used to entertaining, he was tense and awkward but she had never felt more at home. She snuggled into his chest as they settled watching their film, the team exchanging glances at the public show of affection that they were not used to.

"Oh Sara I thought you only had eyes for me?" Greg piped up with his usual cocky smile

She smiled and retaliated with a thrown pillow.

When the film ended Grissom nodded as the team tiptoed out of the room. Sara had fallen into a deep sleep, soothed by the closeness of her friends and the beat of her husband's heart. He didn't want to move. He enjoyed her closeness, her soft breathing and tiny movements.

Catherine handed him a blanket before she left winking at him kindly before closing the door.

Grissom weighed up his options. He could stay there, enjoying their moment. He could sleep there holding her in his arms or he could take her to their bedroom and head to the spare bedroom. He thought about it for a long time, he knew what he wanted to do but his socially inept brain couldn't decide what the gentlemanly thing to do was.

She shuffled a little and stretched her long legs out, and then as if sensing his inner turmoil she looked up at him. Looked right into his eyes and whispered so quietly he could barely hear.

"Stay with me please"

Grissom didn't need any more prompting; he slouched back into the corner of the sofa and spread the blanket gently over them both. Holding her close and falling into a sweet, peaceful sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Sara woke first, her body aching from the uncomfortable position on the sofa. His face was close to hers and she indulged her curiosities studying him as he slept. His lips were parted slightly and she could feel his breath as it escaped between them. She longed to kiss him, to taste his lips. She was surprised to realise this and as she studied him she concluded that she had developed a little infatuation with this man.

Although he was strong and dependable she also felt that he needed protected and nurtured. His eyes slowly flickered open and met hers. As much as she willed herself to look away and pretend she hadn't been watching him she just couldn't do it. She was stuck there, much like a deer in the headlights.

She could get lost in that gaze, his eyes shone and sparkled like a million stars and she felt like he was looking right into her very soul. A look like that should have made her feel uncomfortable, vulnerable even but from him it made her feel like the only other person in the world. She knew it was looks like this that had secured him a place in her heart, heck if he asked her for it on a silver platter she would probably have served it to him right then and there if he promised to look at her like this every day.

"How did you sleep?"

Why did he have to go and speak, she smiled at him before dragging her eyes away from his reluctantly.

She stretched out her legs and cricked her back in an attempt to wake herself up more and address the aching feeling in her back.

"I did ok. Thanks' …. For staying."

"I'm not going anywhere"

"Well I am going for a shower"

He nodded as she left the room, that had been an interesting development. He wondered what had been going on in her mind as she had been watching him, as they were suspended there with their eyes speaking the untold truths. He had longed for her to look at him like that again but now he was debating whether it was in fact love in her eyes or confusion. If he was asking himself that question yesterday he would have been definitive of his answer but today he was sure he could see love there. He was sure he could see the passion burning in her soft chocolaty eyes, albeit far away but it being there gave him hope and ignited his soul once more.

They were getting there, slowly but surely.

Sara closed her eyes as the hot water poured onto her skin turning it red. She liked her showers scalding hot; it cleansed her and helped her aching muscles. She thought about Grissom and her growing feelings for him, he had told their story well but it just wouldn't seem real until she actually remembered it.

Her mind cast back to her most recently uncovered memory of them, one which she had chosen not to speak with him about as it was a particularly painful one for her. She had told him about her mother, in some aspects the memory of her confiding in him was heart-warming but it was mostly embarrassing to her and uncomfortable. She hadn't told anyone that memory. She knew that it must have been a defining moment in their lives because her memories had stalled at that point.

She couldn't seem to drag anything more from her subconscious like she was doomed to forever replay her worst memory over and over in her head. She relaxed as the water washed away her stress and her worried and her mind was once again on those eyes.

Her reaction to them earlier had certainly been unexpected as was her urge to kiss him as he slept. She closed her eyes as another door opened in her mind;

_They sat in a car in an uncomfortable silence. They weren't wearing work clothes; she concluded they had been on a date. He was wringing the steering wheel nervously as she watched him and then he looked at her. That look with all the electricity of a thousand bolts of lightning and then they were kissing. Her lips dancing on his as they surrendered to years of abstinence, every unspoken word, every unseen glance, and every unsatisfied touch went into that kiss. It had been like an explosion, like nothing she had ever felt before like nothing anyone had ever made her feel before_

Her eyes shot open, that had been a hot and heavy memory she could feel her heart racing and her breathing quicken as she quickly switched off the shower and wrapped herself in a big fluffy towel.

She had to do something about this, it wasn't wholly inappropriate for a wife to kiss her husband yet for some reason she still felt like they were in the very early stages of a relationship. Like they had been in her memory.

She couldn't let it lie, she paced the bathroom full of nervous energy, she just _had _to feel that again.

She stared at herself in the mirror quietly giving herself a pep talk in self control and he called to her from the kitchen, as she peeped out from behind the door he waved the newspaper and a plate piled high with steaming hot pancakes. She practically went weak at the knees and closed the door quickly pressing her back against it and cursing her adolescence.

With her eyes closed she kept her position behind the door whispering to herself. She had decided to stay there until she was sure she could control herself, until she was sure she wasn't at risk of practically swooning at his feet at the mere mention of her name.

"Sara?"

'_Shit' _she whispered, she could be in there for a while.

"Sara, is everything ok?"

He was knocking the door; she was going to have to answer. To face him as a calm and composed adult. Which is what she was.

She stood up straight carefully fixing her hair in the mirror and opened the door.

Her heart practically back flipped as she was drawn into those endless pools of blue magic once more. He was so close to her she could feel her eyelashes fluttering on his skin.

Without thinking she closed her eyes and met his lips with hers. He kissed her softly and sensually, their tongues pirouetting around each other gracefully.

She could barely breathe as they stood there, as she tasted his sweet mouth on hers and she didn't want it to end. She wanted to relive that memory over and over again because it lived up to every tiny second.

**Ugh, I am actually in love with this chapter. Who can guess which episode I was watching before I wrote it? lol**


	15. Chapter 15

Sara pulled away from their embrace and resumed her position hiding behind the door, Grissom wasn't very sure what was going on. First she's gazing into his eyes then she's hiding out in the bathroom muttering to herself. She's kissing him and now they are back to the muttering.

"Sara?"

"I'm sorry…. I didn't mean to.."

"You're allowed to kiss your husband, Sara…."

She slowly opened the door and crept out looking ashamed and pushing her hair behind her ears. It was beginning to curl and wave as it dried in the humidity of their apartment. She sat at the table picking at the plate of pancakes, she looked completely embarrassed and she would not make eye contact with him no matter how hard he tried.

He cursed himself silently for moving too fast, he had to allow her time to catch up and expecting her to suddenly fall into his arms was naive of him. Even if it was everything he wanted.

"This reminds me of the first time we spent the night together…"

She looked up at him curiously, as much as her embarrassment pained her she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"You didn't lock yourself in the bathroom or anything…" he added hastily trying to reassure her but receiving her tuneful laugh instead.

He sat across from her, his hands stretching across the table almost touching hers but not quite. She stared at his hands, not daring to look into his eyes again she figured his hands were a safe option. She watched as he linked and separated his fingers and twiddled his thumbs. Then she thought about his hands touching her, stroking the side of her face or caressing the sensitive skin of her neck. The 'safe option' had expired she had to find something else to stare at.

"We had pancakes and you read the paper. We talked for hours just sitting here enjoying the sound of our own voices"

She nodded slightly, still avoiding his eyes as he moved his hands to grasp hers. She drew breath quickly as if shocked at this movement and a flicker of worry crossed his face. There he was moving too fast again he cursed until he realised she was looking at him, searching for the eye contact she had spent so long avoiding.

"Make love to me"

He stared at her open mouthed, he thought he had been moving too fast. Had he gotten it so wrong? His mind was asking a million questions and there were no answers. Maybe it was like the time she had asked him to sleep with her he concluded that she was going to add something to the end of that statement to dash his assumptions immediately.

She didn't say anything else instead she was watching him expectantly and he didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do. He was glued to the spot, not daring to break contact with her but also not daring to look at her.

"Sara…I…."

"I want to remember… please?"

He couldn't do it, it felt dirty. Like taking advantage of someone who was really intoxicated and had no control over their actions, she was desperate to remember but while he was sure that she was beginning to remember their bond, he was absolutely certain that she wasn't ready to jump into bed with him. No matter how convinced she was of this herself.

He prized his hands away and gently kissed her on the head.

"I can't Sara, I'm sorry."

He left the room with a heavy heart, it was the second time in his life he had forced himself to step away from her, and it wasn't any easier the second time around.


	16. Chapter 16

Sara watched after him for a long time. She felt completely let down and rejected, embarrassed and most of all empty. She couldn't get her head around the workings of his mind. She could remember feeling this way about him before, the feeling was no different now. To have offered herself to him, her entire soul laid bare, was a big step for her. Her feelings for him were getting out of control and with every step she took closer to him he made her take another one back.

"_I guess some people just shouldn't be together" _

Her sorrow was beginning to close in on her, tears were brimming in her eyes. Sara knew when she was going down the route of self destruction,. It was a well tread path with her. Self punishment was a way for her to regain control. She knew she had to get out of there, if Grissom saw her like this she would never forgive herself. Avoidance was another technique she had learned through the years. Avoidance and denial had helped her through many hardships in her life and today was no different, she suddenly felt trapped like a caged animal longing to be free and she knew she had to leave, to escape the hurt and humiliation.

To escape from him.

She grabbed her coat and left the apartment, not really sure where she was going. She drove through the streets of Vegas and her mind was ablaze. The flickering lights and buzz of the strip awakened new memories in her mind. Memories of death and destruction, rape and murder. A part of her wished she could leave those memories behind. She was certain if she could pick and choose her memories she would have chosen happier ones than what she had. Her car mapped the Las Vegas streets carving a path through the heavy rain fall, clearing her mind and drying her tears.

Then she faced anger. When the tears dried up there always came anger. she was glad she had escaped, her anger would have been directed at him. he didn't entirely deserve it of course, she knew in her heart he was trying to protect her. Her anger stemmed from years of suppression. Remembering it all again was drudging it all back up. All the torment, the rejection and the hurt she had felt was fresh to her again and it hurt. It hurt all over again just as much as it had in the first place. Maybe even more.

She stopped outside the lab, remaining in her car as she gazed upon its exterior through the rain. It may have been a place of avoidance for her before but it wasn't what she needed right now. There was one place in her mind where she knew she didn't have to fear humiliation or rejection. One place where she could feel safe.

She needed someone. Someone she trusted who wouldn't judge her. Who was just as happy for her to say nothing as say everything. She mounted the stairs, every step making her heart pound faster as she raised her hand to knock the door. it opened before her hand even met it and he gathered her in his arms as the tears came again.

If anyone could make her feel better it was Greg.


	17. Chapter 17

Greg's apartment was at least familiar and Greg was happy to chat inanely about anything but her memories which is what she needed. She curled up on the sofa hugging a pillow into her body for protection. Greg regarded her carefully, he wasn't very sure of this new sad, shy Sara. He was always the one who could make her laugh, even in her worst moment she could count on him but somehow this was different. She was confused and hurt but she wouldn't tell him why. He moved into the kitchen area and began fighting with a tub of ice cream. The lid just wouldn't budge and he started ramming spoons under the lip. Sara was watching him with amusement from her position on the sofa when it popped off sending ice cream flying all over his face and the kitchen units. She laughed as he looked at her a little disgusted and covered in ice cream.

The whole scenario sparked another memory in her mind:

"_you know, technically that makes you a cannibal. Grissom would be proud"_

She seemed to always be thinking of Grissom. Everything she said or did went back to him somehow. Like her subconscious was constantly leading her back to him. Greg joined her on the sofa handing her a spoon and switching on the TV.

"how's your leg?"

Greg was still hobbling about on a half cast. He quite liked having a stick, it was certainly a hit with sympathetic girls.

"it's coming off tomorrow. Think Im gonna miss it. How's your memory?"

"it's kinda jumbled, and everything brings me back to Grissom"

Greg smiled at her statement. That was understandable really she had spent a lot of time obsessing over Grissom.

"well you do love him"

"I think I'm obsessed!"

"yeah, that too"

She playfully slapped him on the arm. She was waiting for him to elaborate. He opened his mouth to speak when there was a knock at the door.

"I bet that's your husband, I swear you guys have this whole weird telepathy thing going on"

Sara resumed her defensive position and stared at the television as Greg answered the door. sure enough, it was Grissom. Greg waved him through to the apartment and then grabbed his coat.

"I just remembered I have to go to the store… we're ..um…. out of ice cream!"

Sara narrowed her eyes at him as he smiled on his way out. Greg could be so subtle she thought to herself as Grissom sat down beside her. She purposefully avoided eye contact with him, continuing to stare at the screen.

"Sara… I need to apologise. I should have explained why I couldn't…"

She stopped him with a single look.

"you don't need to explain. I get it."

He frowned at her , not entirely convinced that she did get anything he did. He sighed and reached into his pocket. The letter was still there, it had been burning a hole in his pocket since he had decided to show it to her. It was a big deal for him, he was never able to send it in the first place. It had sat in his book languishing, hiding. It exposed just about every vulnerability he had. It told her everything he had spent so long denying. He sat there for a while with the letter languishing in his hands. Sara, eventually let curiosity get the better of him and looked at him.

He put the letter in her hand, allowing his hands to linger over hers and his eyes to look into hers.

"I wrote this to you when I had to go away for a while. I … I never sent it."

She just looked at him feeling the letter in her hands as he stood and left. She turned it over in her hands examining the hastily scrawled address on the front and the turned up corners on the back. She could hear Greg coming back and quickly slipped it into her pocket. Promising to read it before she went home.

"did Grissom leave already?"

She nodded sadly.

"he didn't even say goodbye"

"_I'm not ready to say goodbye"_

She smiled, inwardly not at Greg but instead at the memory he had invoked. It was a particularly happy one although not a conventionally happy moment she had been filled with Joy that day and being able to spend a night in the arms of the man she loved was a wonderful thing. As Greg was putting the groceries away Sara stood quickly, grabbing her coat and leaving the house.

She had fully intended to go back to her apartment and collapse into Grissom's arms. Her faith in their relationship restored but as she was about to sit in her car she felt the ruffle of the letter in her pocket.

"_I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart I can see you as vividly as if you were here with me. I said I'll miss you and I do. As Shakespeare more ably wrote my sentiment in Sonnet 47._

_"Thyself away art resent still with me;_

_for thou not father than my thoughts canst move,_

_and I am still with them and they with thee;_

_or, if thy sleep, thy picture in my sight, _

_awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight."_

The raw emotion expressed in the letter tugged at her heart. it brought tears to her eyes and she wanted nothing more than to go to him, to let him hold her and feel his body against hers. to tell him that she loved him with all her heart. that she would never, And could never forget that.


	18. Chapter 18

Sara took the steps in a daze, excited at the prospect of seeing him again. Intending to start with a clean slate and a heart full of memories. She slipped through the door to their apartment unnoticed, Grissom was downstairs speaking on the phone. Their apartment was suddenly altogether more familiar to her. She recognised the paintings they had carefully hung on the walls, the plants which she painstakingly cared for and the scatter pillows which she was sure she had forced upon him. The jars and tanks and concoctions made sense to her, each one of them invoking a new memory or story.

She watched him for a while smiling at his little quirks. The way he paced the room, his fingers tracing the edges of the kitchen worktops, the deep concentration on his face as he furrowed his brow. She didn't know who he was speaking to but she could tell it was serious. He drew his hand across his brow as though rubbing away the stress before hanging up the phone with a sigh. His eyes were drawn to her.

"Sara, how long have you been standing there?"

He was coming up the stairs, his eyes fixed on hers. She had thought through a beautiful speech to give him, to express exactly how she felt but there was sadness about him which she just couldn't put her finger on. Words failed her.

He sat down on the chaise, urging her to sit with him.

"Is everything ok?" he would be lying if he said he had expected her back so soon.

"I … I am completely in love with you"

She laughed as she said it, realising how adolescent it sounded. She was suddenly really embarrassed, she held her head in her hands and laughed. Her prepared speech had sounded so eloquent. She really should have stuck with that. Instead she had come out with that drabble. She was an intelligent woman, she knew she could have come up with something better than that. He had recited Shakespeare to her and she couldn't even come up with more than one sentence.

"Sara… what's so funny?"

"I sound like a love struck teenager. Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Sara… look at me"

As soon as she looked at him she stopped laughing, he could hypnotise her with his eyes. She wondered if he knew just how much power he had over her. He could basically get her to do anything he wanted and she wouldn't even stage a protest.

"I love you with all my heart."

Sara was struck speechless, not for the first time that day. Grissom slowly leaned into her, one hand resting on her leg and the other brushing the soft skin on her cheek. She closed her eyes under his touch, it sent shivers down her spine. His lips lingered over hers for a fraction of a second. Teasingly hovering so their breath mingled then he was kissing her. It was different from their kiss in the bathroom, then she had been desperate and filled with lust. There was love in this kiss. Their lips danced together as both their bodies melted into each other. All their tension and heartache vanishing with the familiarity of being in each other's arms.

When they broke apart she didn't feel an overwhelming urge to run anymore. It felt right, like this was exactly where she belonged. She kissed him again, this time firmer and she stood, taking his hand and pulling him towards her. His chest pressed against hers as their kissing became passionate and she broke away, maintaining her eye contact pulling him towards the bedroom.

"Sara….."

She shook her head and pulled him close as they made it to the door. His hesitation was evident, she understood why he had been reluctant before. He wouldn't be taking advantage of her tonight, in fact it was almost the complete opposite. She had every intention of taking advantage of him.

"It's ok" she whispered in his ear slipping her hand around his neck as he stroked her back "I can remember"

He was about to stage another protest when she met his lips again and he knew he was completely powerless against her. It was time for them to explore another aspect of their marriage.

One which she wouldn't forget again in a hurry!


	19. Chapter 19

She woke in his arms. She couldn't remember ever sleeping that well before and a soft smile cast over her face as she stroked his chest. This was a special place for them.

Their bedroom.

Their sanctuary.

The sun filtered through the thin wooden blinds casting a soft glow on the walls, it was an incredibly relaxing place. A place that she loved. To sleep in, to lounge in, to watch movies in, just being together in their inner sanctum. They had made so many memories in this room. She could remember reading with him by her side, watching TV in his arms or even carefully, nervously shaving him in front of the mirror. She could remember making love, it wasn't just sex. It was more than that with them. Much more.

"_To me, sex without love is... pointless. It makes you sad." _

"_Well, I'm pretty sure I don't make you sad."_

"_No. You make me happy."_

She smiled at the new memories she was recovering. Her relationship with Grissom may be complicated but it was definitely special and now as they lay there in their quiet bliss it seemed like the simplest thing in the world.

Grissom was staring at the ceiling, he looked incredibly tired. Like he hadn't slept at all. It was obvious there was something on his mind. It was usually her staring at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?"

He looked at her as though just realising she was there. His arm wrapping around her and his fingers interlacing with hers. He took his time in speaking, he knew he was about to upset her. He had to find the right words but he soon realised that there was no such thing.

"I have to go away … for a little while"

Sara pulled her hand away, frowning. She couldn't have heard him right, he must be mistaken. She propped herself up on one arm and regarded him with interest. Then she remembered the phone call, he had been very distracted after it but she had had other things on her mind.

"I tried to tell you earlier Sara but…"

"What's going on?"

"I have to go back to Peru, just for a week… or two."

She lay back on the bed, her eyes drawn to the same spot he had been staring at. The same spot they always stared at.

"I don't understand… Gil, what are you doing in Peru?"

Grissom groaned inwardly. She didn't remember, of course she didn't remember why would she? He had been at home for almost 10 weeks now and although she was making good progress she had by no means caught up. His 3 day vacation had transformed into 10 weeks and his employers had been very understanding but he was always going to have to return at some point, as much as he wished he could stay with her.

"I do some work for the government, I… I was only here for the weekend when you had your accident. I'm not at CSI anymore Sara, I haven't been for 3 years"

Sara closed her eyes.

"Do I live in Peru?"

Grissom was beginning to worry about where this conversation was going, he was constantly having to justify their relationship to his mother he wasn't sure he could face having to justify it to her. He had known that at some point he would be explaining their unorthodox living arrangements to her, at some point she would wonder how it worked. He had just hoped she would remember before it came up.

"You live here"

She was sitting now, her legs swung over the side of the bed, her entire body detached from him. It left him feeling cold and exposed as though her body pressed against him had been torn away and his body yearned for her again. Sighing he sat beside her, she stared at her feet.

"Sara… I don't really know what to tell you"

"Just tell me the truth Grissom, are we still married?"

Then it dawned on him, she had completely misunderstood.

"Oh Sara, of course we are! I work there but this is our home, it's kind of a long distance thing. Why don't you come with me? You can't go back to work yet anyway"

Sara wasn't very convinced by his story. It sounded like their solid marriage was a little shaky. How could a couple claim to have a wonderful marriage when they didn't even live in the same country? She had no choice for now but to accept that they were happy. Until she remembered on her own they were a happily married long distance couple. Somehow she couldn't quite believe that they were completely happy, completely happy had been waking up in his arms in their beautiful bedroom with the sunlight casting rainbows on the wall through the crystals hanging from the ceiling.

Peru? Peru was jungle, humidity, solitude. Peru was adventure. It was just what she needed.

"I'll go with you"


	20. Chapter 20

Sara stepped into the lab carefully, it was a little overwhelming. She hadn't set foot in the building since her accident and people were looking. They were talking about her, she didn't like being on the receiving end of gossip, it mad her mad and she was never known for controlling her temper. She took a deep breath and marched her way along the corridor towards what used to be Grissom's office. Had she not had a conversation about Peru with him she would probably still think it was and it was strange to see it looking so different. Gone were the walls lined with jars and boxes, they were all now lining the walls of her house, the office was full of light. She wasn't sure she approved.

Catherine wasn't there, Sara wandered around the office she had once been so familiar with. So many memories came back to her as she pictured how it once looked, how they had spent so many moments in this office after shift.

Nick spotted her pacing the office and approached her.

"You just couldn't keep away huh?"

"Actually… I'm just looking for Catherine. Have you seen her?"

"I think she's in the evidence vault, you look good"

"Thanks, do you think I could sneak into the vault without Ecklie noticing?"

"I'm sure we could work something out"

Nick winked before heading towards Ecklie's office.

Sara stepped through the dark corridor slowly, every step echoed eerily as she reached the room packed with boxes and files. She couldn't see Catherine there but she could hear shuffling and movements from somewhere inside.

She opened her mouth to call out for Catherine when her eyes fell to a box in the corner of the room. The light glinted off it and something was drawing her in. she couldn't quite put her finger on what was so intriguing about this box but as she approached it she felt her stomach churn and her heart flip. There in the box was a model of a car wreck, a tiny arm stretched out underneath it grasping for life. She knew immediately that tiny arm was hers.

All at once she felt like she was under that car again, alone and frightened. Gasping for air. She could almost feel the water closing in around her in the darkness, feel the deep sense of loneliness and desperation all over again. She stood stock still, staring at the miniature. Her heart racing and her breathing quickened. Tears began to form in her eyes as she relived the horror of wandering in the desert lost and injured. She had kept her faith in the team right up until the last second, as the world lost perspective and she crashed to the ground. She knew they would find her.

"Sara! Oh my god , Sara are you ok?"

She opened her eyes slowly, frowning at her new position on the floor. Catherine was by her side looking at her with concern. She had fainted, fell to the ground right there in the evidence vault. Her head hurt and the room was spinning. She hastily took to her feet, glancing quickly at the miniature before leaving the room followed by Catherine.

"Sara? What are you doing here?"

Sara was completely disorientated, her mind was reeling, her thoughts muddled. She was panicking and it was an unfamiliar sensation to her, she was always in control.

"I….have to go"

She turned and left leaving Catherine standing, a little bewildered in the hallway. She took off to follow her.

Sara was sitting in the locker room, her head bowed and staring at her hands. She fiddled with her wedding ring, twisting it around on her finger with a sombre expression on her face. Catherine wasn't sure what to do, she was tempted to retreat to her office and call Grissom but Sara painted such a miserable picture she had to do something. She stepped into the room and slid onto the bench beside her. Sara looked up sadly, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I … I left him."

Catherine nodded slowly, she could have berated Sara for leaving him back then, leaving him so empty and dejected but what was she supposed to say now. It was almost 3 years ago, hardly fitting for her to launch into a rant about breaking Grissom's heart.

"You were very vulnerable, after your.. You know"

She was staring at her palm, staring at some invisible mark there that brought a small smile to her tearful face.

"_You know… maybe we should get married"_

She slowly circled the invisible spot with her finger, remembering that moment. She remembered the shock she felt. It was a big deal for Grissom to be proposing, it had taken him so long to even acknowledge a relationship with her, and she hadn't expected it at all.

"He proposed Catherine, he asked me to marry him and then I left"

Catherine stared at her, she didn't know what to say. It was all in the past but it was fresh for Sara. These old wounds were opening up and breaking her heart all over again. Catherine wondered if Sara had been so miserable when she had left Grissom those years ago. She had always been mad at her for leaving him like that. Leaving Grissom a broken and empty man, completely lost without her. There was hardly any point berating Sara for it now, it was almost 3 years ago.

Sara was still muttering, wrestling with her conscience, trying to understand her past.

"I left him all alone.."


	21. Chapter 21

"_Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you are my one and only. _

_I will miss you with every beat of my heart. _

_Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you... I always will." _

The tears were falling now, heavily onto her shirt. She really didn't want to cry in front of Catherine. She prided herself on being in control, on being strong. She buried her head in her hands. She could remember sitting in that cab, watching the bright lights of Vegas pass by. Not daring to look back too scared to look forward. Her heart begging her to stay with him as it was torn in two.

She could feel the breakdown coming and it came when she arrived in San Francisco it had opened a whole new can of worms. But she had buried them, all those ghosts that were following her, all those bad memories that she'd been carrying around and she emerged a new person. Someone who was ready to make a change, ready to take a leap of faith and change her life.

"Sara … I don't know what to say, I mean yes he was completely lost without you, but he knew it was something you had to do."

Sara looked at her, she wasn't sure what she said had helped at all. He had accepted her leaving, accepted that she had to go. He had been there for her when she needed him, he had gave her space when she needed it.

"You came back though, for a while"

Sara looked at her full of hope and Catherine silently cursed herself for even bringing up such a sad time in their lives. She didn't even know if Sara remembered what happened to Warrick, they had made a point of not mentioning him. They had all swore that she would reach the conclusion in her own time and they were skirting the subject until that time.

Sara's eyes dropped to the ground and Catherine didn't need to ask the question, she had made Sara remember probably the most horrible time in their joint history, the thing that had brought them all together again and she knew that eventually Sara would remember leaving again.

"Warrick…" Sara whispered it so quietly, she almost didn't hear her.

"_As crime scene investigators, we meet people on the worst day of their lives. _

_They have lost someone they love. _

_A part of their heart is gone"_

Losing Warrick had changed Grissom. His perspective on life had changed and for once in his life he stopped over thinking everything. She nestled in his arms and asked him to go with her. To go on an adventure, to be together without the constant distraction of work. He was a loyal person, he wouldn't let them down. Even if he wanted to, even if it hurt them both.

"Sara, you were there for him when he needed you. That's what's important…"

Sara looked at Catherine. She was coming to a realisation about Grissom, about their relationship and their love. They had been through so much and yet he still came to her, he was still there for her, he still loved her and she kept running.

"No… it's not."

Sara stood up and walked towards the door, it was time to stop running, she turned to look at Catherine before she left. Her eyes still brimmed with tears and sadness but a smile played on her lips.

"I'm going to Peru, Catherine. Thanks…. For everything"

Catherine knew then, that she wouldn't see Sara back at the lab again.


	22. Chapter 22

Sara marched out of the lab with new purpose. For the first time since her accident she knew how she felt and she knew what she was doing. She was going to Peru with her husband, and she didn't care whether they came back or not. As long as they were together. She loitered in the parking lot for a while, drinking in the view, saying goodbye to the memories she had made there, the friends she had made there. Her family.

Greg came out of the building behind her.

"Trying to escape without saying hello Sidle?"

She looked at him with a smile on her face, he was such a good friend she knew he would always be there for her.

"Trying to escape without saying goodbye"

"You're leaving? Really? You can't leave me again. My poor heart won't take it"

Her eyes were welling up again, she thought she had run out of tears. She had cried so much over the past few weeks she wouldn't be surprised if they had dried up forever.

"Stop it Greg, don't make this any harder… I have to go, I have to go with him"

Greg nodded as he held her in a hug, he understood where she belonged. As much as it would pain him to watch her go. He had moved on from lusting after Sara, it was more than that he loved her, loved her as a friend. more than she could know.

"I know you do, don't be a stranger, ok?"

Sara nodded as she sat in her car. If he had yelled at her she would have understood but he never did. He always accepted her decision's with quiet unwavering support. She thanked him for that, silently, so many times she couldn't count.

When she arrived at their apartment she could see Grissom's silhouette pacing in the living room. Catherine had no doubt been keen to fill him in on their little conversation, and he was worried about her. She sighed and rested her head on the steering wheel. She hated when he was worried about her, he must have spent the last 10 weeks worried about her, the last 10 years worried about her for that matter.

"_If a relationship can't move forward, it withers I've been waiting for you to decide, but sometimes, not making a decision is making a decision. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... you don't have to worry about me anymore"_

She closed her eyes and hit her head gently on the steering wheel. She had been sitting there for a long time, composing herself before she faced him. She had to be able to face him with a smile on her face. She flipped open the mirror in the sun visor and stared at herself.

Grissom appeared at her side, he opened the door and peered in at her.

"Are you alright?"

She was shocked to see him there. Shocked by the reaction he invoked in her. She was speechless staring at him, her heart was racing, her stomach churning. Their eyes locked as he took her hand and helped her out of the car. As she stood, he made no move away from her and she found herself standing close to him again. Their bodies pressed together, their eyes still locked and she slipped her hand onto his shoulder as he rested his hands on her waist.

She was transported to an altogether different place. Far removed from the dark parking Garage, far away from the artificial lights of the Las Vegas strip. He had followed her, all the way to Costa Rica. The clarity of the memory stunned her as she closed her eyes, keen to remember every detail from the soft breeze swaying the tree's to the gentle chatter of the birds and monkeys in the trees. She had never felt as loved as that moment when she turned to face him, that moment when he had come to her, to hold her in his arms and kiss her. That moment was all she needed, all she would ever need to know. He had come to her.

She kissed him, just like she had in the jungle of Costa Rica. She never wanted it to stop, never wanted to be apart from him again. When they finally parted he looked at her with a confused expression, wondering what had brought on this new influx of emotions.

"Let's go to Peru"

She whispered into his ear with a smile. Breaking away from his embrace and walking into the house. She liked being back in control, loved that she could leave him standing there by the car completely lost and know that he would come after her. Know that he would always come after her and look into her eyes. Know that they were meant to be together.


	23. Chapter 23

**This chapter is dedicated to my lovely reader NANCY1 who has been waiting patiently for Sara to remember this day. I hope you enjoy it xxx**

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><p>Sara's eyes danced as she took in the luxury of their hotel, Grissom had gone to great lengths to keep this a secret. She had assumed the closest they would come to luxury in Peru would be a tent with a fan in it and yet here they were stepping through a glorious marble entrance hall lit by the biggest crystal chandelier she had ever seen. Grissom checked them in as an over enthusiastic porter loaded their bags onto a trolley, she was bemused by the whole experience. She strode around peering at the expensive art work and sculptures on display until Grissom placed his hand on the small of her back and led her gently to the elevator.<p>

"I thought we should treat ourselves for a couple of days before I have to work"

"Why didn't you tell me? I'd have packed my best ball gown"

She teased as she squeezed his hand.

"It was a surprise, and you won't be needing many clothes…. Do you even own a ball gown?"

"I could own a ball gown"

"But you don't"

"No…. I must have a wedding dress?"

Grissom smiled at her as he remembered their wedding day. She had looked so amazing in her wedding dress he had etched the image permanently in his brain. Her hair softly curled around her face accentuated by tiny white flowers, her neck caressed by his mother's string of pearls, the dress gently skimming the golden sand as she had stepped towards him. she had chosen a simple Grecian style dress, it should have been plain, boring almost but when she wore it she looked every bit a Greek Goddess. The light glinted off the tiny crystal's which followed the neckline and waistband of the dress, they glittered on the soft fabric of the skirt like tiny fairies dancing as she walked. It was magical.

"Yes, you have a beautiful wedding dress"

He almost sighed it as he was lost in his memory.

The porter dramatically swept open the door of their suite and held it for them to enter, Sara eyed him suspiciously, his enthusiasm was beginning to wane on her a little and he definitely smiled too much. Grissom instructed the porter and ordered room service as Sara explored their new home for the next two days. Luxury did not quite cover the room they were standing in. the carpet felt like walking on a cloud and the huge sofa snaked round half of the room. Every electrical appliance they would ever need or want was hooked up to an entertainment system and one whole wall was made entirely of glass.

Sara slid open the glass wall and stepped onto their balcony, gasping at the amazing view of the ocean. Nothing but water as far as the eye could see, the sun dipping slowly over the edge of the world and bathing everything in its warm orange glow. The gentle breeze moved her hair and she inhaled the soft floral scent and closed her eyes.

_She could almost feel the sand in her toes, the soft sound of steel drum's echoed in her ears as she stepped slowly. Slowly because her heart was racing and slowly because she wanted to savour every single second of this beautiful day. The dainty bouquet of white orchids tickled the top of her hands as she clutched onto it maybe a little too tightly. Greg was waiting for her on the edge of the stairs, beaming proudly. She couldn't think of anyone better to give her away as she slipped her hand through his arm and he patted it gently. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. They stepped out together onto the sand, their path laden with petals as though guiding them to their destination. She held her breath as she stepped out to the sighs of delight, her eyes were fixed on one person and one person only. Gil Grissom. He stood there shuffling nervously and his eyes sparkled as she paused there and looked at him. Their eye contact spoke a thousand words as she stepped towards him and joined him in front of their friends. The soft fabric of her dress brushed her legs in the breeze as the sun began to dip and the man in front of them spoke of unity and love. Then they were kissing, a kiss filled with promises and dreams and love._

She couldn't have imagined a more beautiful wedding day. Grissom stood in the doorway, silently watching her reminisce. Watching her hair sway in the breeze and the sunset bathing her in its glow. He approached her slowly, keen not to break into her thoughts. She sighed as he placed his arms on either side of her and she settled her body back onto his. They stared out onto the horizon the sound of the ocean lapping the shore soothing them as he folded his arms around her and nuzzled into her hair.

"I'm so glad I married you., my memories had me worried"

He smiled and held her closer.

"I love you Mrs Grissom"

She turned herself around to face him, her eyes sparkling and a smile on her face as she pulled him closer and kissed his lips.

"I think you'll find its _Ms Sidle_, Mr Grissom"


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N - Ooooooo be warned this seems to have taken on a smutty little life of its own!**

They spent a glorious two days 'helping' Sara remember their wedding night. She almost wished it didn't have to end, like they could pause time and spend the rest of their lives suspended in their little bubble of happiness. She loved waking up in his arms more than anything in the world, the touch of his warm skin on hers, the movement of his breathing, the beat of his heart. She knew without a doubt she'd made the right decision coming with him, however, somewhere in her subconscious she knew she wasn't quite caught up yet. She knew there was more to come, she just wasn't sure what.

"You want to order breakfast then clear out of here? We've got quite a way to go before we get to camp"

Sara smiled at her husband's pragmatic thinking, here she was thinking about how glorious and romantic their break was and there he was thinking about the journey to their bug infested campsite where they would be living in a tent for the next few weeks.

"I can think of better things to do…"

She hummed it into his ear, knowing just how to send shivers down his spine. Her long bare legs rubbing against his and her hand slipping, ever so slowly under the edges of the bed sheets.

"You know we could order room service"

She hummed her approval as she shifted her position, covering his neck in light feathery kisses her hands teasing the edges of his boxers. She slipped the tips of her fingers under the waistband, just enough to have him exhale heavily in anticipation. Just enough to hear his heart rate quicken. She loved having such power over his body, if only she could claim the same knowledge over his mind.

"And we don't have to check out till two"

Again she hummed in agreement, her hand slipping lower and her kisses covering his chest. She took her time, relishing the intimacy it offered and the reactions it granted. She could feel him stiffen under her touch, his body squirming as she moved lower discarding the bed sheets as she went.

"Gil…?"

It was his turn to hum his response as she danced her fingertips around the insides of his thighs and carefully traced kisses along the edge of his waistband.

"You should call room service"

She sat up looking him in the eye with a smile as he snapped his eyes open and stared at her with confusion. The glint in her eye did not go unnoticed so he decided to play along. He picked up the receiver and pressed a number, holding her eye contact the entire time.

"Room service please?"

Sara licked her lips as he spoke and pulled at his boxers. She traced light kisses down the exposed skin before taking his tip into her mouth, enjoying his sighs as he tried to speak normally to the operator. When he hung up he pushed her back onto the soft bed and pressed his body against her.

"You are a naughty girl, Ms Sidle"

"I think you're right. I should be punished"

He hummed against her neck, kissing at the tender spot near her shoulder that he knew would make her moan. The bristles of his beard tickled the tender skin there and sent shivers all over her body as his hand skimmed the length of her torso.

"And how do you suggest I punish you?"

Sara was now writhing underneath him, longing to feel him inside her. Longing to give in to her desire but Grissom had strong reserves in self-control. He could drive her crazy.

"I want you…"

Grissom smiled as she growled into his ear, he knew when she was close to losing control. He knew when her desire was coursing through her so fast she couldn't control it.

"I think I should keep you waiting a little longer…. For being so naughty"

His fingers danced inside her panties as she let out a low moan and ran her hands through his hair pulling him to her with a new desperation. She kissed him passionately before whispering in his ear.

"Gil, I need you… right now"

He didn't need any more encouragement as he slipped her panties aside and entered her slowly. She gasped at the sensation as she always did, grabbing his broad shoulders and holding him close to her body as she slowly rocked against him. He propped himself up on his elbows and began thrusting harder, watching her face as she struggled to keep control.

Her body was suddenly a hive of electricity, every sense awakened, every touch causing ripples of pleasure to course through her uncontrollably. A knot was forming in her lower stomach, it was getting tighter and tighter with every thrust. She dug her nails into his shoulders running them down the length of his body before pulling him into her as hard as she could and bucking her body as the knot finally released and exploded from her toes to the tip of every strand of hair. She shook and trembled.

"Oh… Gil, oh god"

He could feel her muscles spasm as she moaned louder, her eyes flickering open to hold his gaze as they both lost control and Grissom collapsed into her embrace, breathing heavily. She settled into the crook of his shoulder as he stared at the ceiling in an effort to compose himself.

"I should be naughty a lot more often"


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Ok so I know its been FOREVER since I updated this story. I apologise. I hit a bit of a wall and couldn't see around it but I have been hit with inspiration again. My GSR candle reignited so I hope you enjoy this fluffy little chapter and Ill try and get this story finished fairly soon x**

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><p>They left behind the glorious luxury of the hotel room and started on their journey. The city of Lima gave way to small towns and villages and eventually the houses became few and far between. She stared out of the window soaking up the views, the palm tree's swaying and the rich vegetation and flowers.<p>

It reminded her of Costa Rica, she could remember arriving there on the sea shepherd, she could remember the crazy characters she had travelled with. Their passion and enthusiasm was catching, yet she still felt an ache deep down. She had felt a little empty without him.

The main thought she held onto was the fact that he had come to her. it may have seemed like a minor act, like he always should have come to her but for Gil Grissom this was a huge deal. This was a romantic gesture of epic proportions.

And he had married her.

She still couldn't believe that she was a married woman. It seemed like a foreign concept.

The were driving through thickening rainforest now. It reminded her of Costa Rica, reminded her of a time when she had been so in love and so happy. The jeep came to a stop at a curve in the road and they both stepped out into the glaring sunlight. This was as far as their ride went. They had an almost 2 hour trek ahead of them.

She swung her bag over her shoulders and raised her eyes to the top of the tree's. there were monkeys and colourful birds scurrying around and singing. The whole forest was alive with activity.

She smiled as she watched the little monkeys rough housing in the treetops. It was a world away from Las Vegas, she could see why she needed to escape to a place like this. She could see why it was good for her. it was good for him too, she was happy to see him so relaxed and energetic.

"what are you thinking about?"

He had been watching her the entire time she was studying the tree's. she knew it of course, she always knew when his eyes were on her, it made her skin tingle.

"I'm remembering Costa Rica"

His smile reached all the way to his eyes as he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her softly. The breeze swirled around them filling their senses with the rich fragrance of the flowers and the rustling of the leaves.

"do you remember our wedding night? In the rain?"

Her laugh echoed off the tree's sending colourful birds scurrying into the air.

"no I can't say I do, maybe you'll have to remind me"

"maybe I will, but not right now"

He took her hand and led her through the trees and bushes. The path was already well worn but it was still a challenge to pick through it. She felt like they had been walking for hours when they finally came to a break in the trees and the side of a river. He moved over to some nearby trees and slid out a long green canoe.

"a canoe? You expect me to go In a canoe?"

"you've been in a canoe before dear"

"I really haven't"

The smile cast over his face radiated through the entire jungle. The glint in his eyes told her he was thinking about something dirty. He pulled the oars out of the base of the boat and swung his bag in, reaching out his hand to take hers.

"I can assure you, you have!"

She stared open mouthed at him and then at the ridiculously narrow canoe.

"you've got to be kidding me! In a canoe? Really?"

He moved it to the waters edge and regarded her with some amusement. He reached out his hand to help her step into the base.

"you're love boat my dear"

Sara tried and failed to stifle her smile as she sat down in the wobbling canoe. Grissom pushed off and sat on the opposite side with ease. She was impressed.

"I don't even know how we could have…. "

"another thing I shall have to remind you of honey, however will I cope?"

He took both the oars and began moving the canoe upstream. His muscular arms pulling them through the water easily. She could suddenly remember how they had managed to have sex in a canoe, it didn't stop her wanting to experience it again. She took a look around the edges of the river. There was no-one in sight, tree's and foliage lined the banks of the river and the only noise was from nature.

"show me"

She spoke in her best sultry voice and gave him her best 'come to bed' eyes and he was still bewildered to what she meant.

"show you what?"

She leaned back on her bench and slowly popped the buttons on her shirt. He raised an eyebrow provocatively but kept rowing. She knew she could do better than that, she dipped her head and peered at him through her eyelashes as the shirt dropped to the bottom of the canoe and she dropped to her knees.

She moved until she was between his legs, no mean feat on a wobbly canoe in the middle of the river while trying to remain sultry and sexy. It was very obviously working, although he kept his steely gaze and kept on rowing. She slid her hands under his shirt and up over his chest, keeping eye contact for as long as possible. A sense of satisfaction washed over her as he stopped rowing and moved towards her with a passionate kiss.

Before long they were entwined on the bottom of the boat, their lips and their hands feverishly exploring each other's bodies.

"you do know we broke the boat last time, right?"

"hmmmm lets see if we can do it again"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: yay! Paris memories – these are all from personal experience – even the Louvre!**

When they eventually arrived at their camp they were somewhat dishevelled and flushed. There were a cluster of people surrounding a camp fire eating from tins and chatting among themselves in the dimming sunlight. They had survived their adventure without breaking the canoe again, practice makes perfect so they say.

"Dr Grissom! So glad you are back, who is this vision on your arm?"

The ridiculously small man was furiously shaking her hand with a huge smile, His hair bouncing all over his head with the movement.

"Geoff this is my Wife Sara. Sara this is Geoff he is an archaeologist"

"That's what they tell me" he said with a wink "we were expecting you an hour ago Gil, what you get lost after all this time?"

Grissom and Sara exchanged a look easily readable by Geoff; he simply nodded and turned to the campfire chuckling to himself. Grissom waved his hello's to the rest of the group as he made his way to his cabin with Sara following closely behind. She was surprised by the set up. It was less of a campsite and more of a small community. Solid homes were arranged in a semi-circle around the massive campfire. Behind these Grissom told her there was a kitchen and shower facilities. It was a world away from what she had pictured.

"Welcome home dear, should I carry you over the threshold?"

Grissom held the door of his cabin wide open and gestured inside. It was shielded from the campfire by a group of trees and another cabin so it was dark inside, she couldn't see a thing.

"I don't think that's necessary, I'll take the grand tour though"

She hastily stepped into the darkened room and Grissom flicked on the light switch filling the room with twinkling fairy lights. She couldn't quite believe what she saw; in the centre of the floor stood a small table with a chair on either side. Candelabra stood in the centre flanked by two red roses. A huge image of the Eiffel tower hung on the wall. Grissom leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Happy anniversary"

A flood of memories washed over her as the stereo filled the room with classical music.

_All at once she was standing on the deck of a boat as it sailed on the Seine, his arms around her as the tour guide pointed out the intricate details of the Notre Dame Cathedral. The wind blew through her hair as the passed under bridge after bridge heading towards the Eiffel Tower as their final destination. It lit up and danced with sparkling lights as night fell on the city._

"It's our anniversary?"

"Three years"

A glorious smell filled the room as a young man crept in with a huge pot of pasta and placed it in the centre of the table with a nod. Grissom pulled out her chair and gestured for her to sit down. She was overwhelmed by the sentiment; this was the perfect way to bring back her memories of Paris. He took the chair directly across from her and lit the candles with a smile.

"Do you remember eating in the Louvre?"

She shook her head as she dug the two spoons into the pot of pasta and distributed the steaming food onto the plates.

"We had some little visitors at our table?"

Her eyes grew wide as she thought about the possibilities.

"Yuck, don't tell me there were bugs Gil, not while we're eating"

"No think furrier"

"Mice? Really?"

He nodded as he slipped a mouthful of pasta into his mouth. She had a vague recollection of wandering around the Louvre.

_She could picture the painstaking recreating of the Parthenon, the long rooms lined with beautiful paintings and sculptures. Of course Grissom had regaled her with stories and information about each and every item on display. She couldn't think of anyone better to have spent the day at the Louvre with._ _Night was falling by the time they found themselves back in the central atrium. The lights of Paris filtering through the glass pointed ceiling. The restaurant looked harmless enough. Dim lighting and modern decoration greeted them as they waited to be seated. There were only 4 other guests. A table with two young women and a table with two middle aged men. They regarded the new patrons with some amusement, it made Sara feel uncomfortable. They took their seats in the huge yellow leather chairs and read the menu. The young women were laughing and looking towards the wall behind them as the men took photographs. Sara and Grissom turned around to see two little mice sitting under a table a few feet away. The other guest's seemed to find it funny, entertaining almost and the Maitre d' insisted it was normal as they were in such an old building. _

"We moved tables, because of the mice" she spoke nostalgically

"Yeah, I think they wanted a bite of my steak"

"And those guys, they were from…."

She was struggling to complete her memory; it was stalled like a scratched record.

"New York, they invited us over remember?"

They had spent the rest of the night with those men; Gay men knew all the best bars in Paris as it turned out.

"Paris was beautiful"

"Yes it was, that's why we stayed"

She didn't remember staying; she remembered doing all the usual tourist things. The Arc De Triumph, the many, many museums, the tour bus and the Eiffel tower and the eerie Catacombs.

"We had a great apartment, right near Gard Du Nord. You loved drinking your coffee on the balcony watching the world go by"

"They honked their horns a lot. Like all the time" she said.

He laughed and nodded as he filled her glass with more wine.

"We had a window box, the bird used to sit on it waiting for their croissants"

"Only because you kept giving them it"

"I needed someone to talk to when you were lecturing"

A nostalgic mood descended over the small cabin in the flickering candlelight. They were both momentarily lost in their memories, thinking about the happy times they had spent in Paris. The long walks along the seine, the picnics in the park, she had even managed to get him to go on the Victorian carousel by the foot of the tower.

"I got you a present"

He pulled a small box out of his pocket and placed it on the plate in front of her. Her fingers danced along the satin ribbon and uncurled the paper before opening the box. Inside sparkled a dainty gold T-bar necklace. On one side he had inscribed the date of their wedding alongside their initials. It was just perfect, subtle and romantic.

"I… I didn't even remember, I feel so guilty"

"Would you have got me anything if you did?"

"I'm sure I can think of something…."


End file.
